I am often considered a flake by my friends and my family. I’m known for responding 5 days later to a text, for occasionally (okay often) bailing on plans, etc, etc. As much as it hurts to admit, they are right. My flakiness has become a constant point of inner turmoil for me. Something I wrestle with all the time because not only do I realize I am affecting my relationships, but I am also actively betraying myself. I am a flake to my friends, but I am also a flake to my own ambitions and goals. 

I read online that breaking the promises you make to yourself is detrimental to your self-esteem. Whether it is something as simple as skipping a ten minute meditation or not washing the dishes when you said you would, leaving small tasks unfinished results in lowered self-confidence.  After all, if you can’t count on yourself to do the little things, how can you expect yourself to do the bigger things?

As a consequence of my flakiness, I have a wastebasket full of unfulfilled ideas and unfinished projects. It’s like an island of misfit toys (manifested as Notes on my Iphone). All waiting for the day they can come to fruition. But the thing is, the more you wait on something the less inspired it feels. So I give up on them thinking they are not as relevant as I thought they were. And in the end, I just make excuses for myself.

“Do what you say you’re going to do. And try to do it a little better than you said you would.” -Jimmy Dean

This quote is very personal to me. It is basically calling me out on my shit.

Ideas are not people though. People can not be put on the back burner, waiting for the day I have enough courage to act on them. In this case the effects of me making “excuses for myself” can be deadly.

I am sure we are all very aware of the state of the world right now, especially in America. We are battling a civil war in the midst of a pandemic. Black men and women are taking on an entire justice system and fighting for their lives against the same entity that is supposed to protect them. It is all over social media, the news… it’s everywhere. 

Now, more than ever, is the time to do what you say you will. In this climate where everyone is frantically reposting and speaking out, it is important to be aware of the mark we are leaving. 

As we ally ourselves to the Black Lives Matter Movement, ask yourselves, “Am I backing up what I say? Do my words have purpose? Or are they just empty attempts at appearing politically correct??”

To my friends who think this issue doesn’t apply to them…you are part of the problem. It is not enough to simply be “not racist.” We must be ACTIVELY ANTI-RACIST. That is, condemning those who abuse their power and standing alongside those who are fighting for their human rights. Even if it is not convenient. 

We can not assume that we are good people just because. Yeah.. I said it. It is dangerous to assume that everyone is automatically a good person. Why?? Just because you are not directly discriminating doesn’t mean anything. Maybe it doesn’t make you evil, but it doesn’t make you good either. It just makes you neutral. And in times of life and death, being neutral is the worst thing you can be. All of the leaders in the world who changed something—Mother Teresa, Mahatma Gandhi, Michelle Obama—did not do so by sitting back politely. They took action. Talk is too cheap right now. In this climate, what you say matters. But let me tell you, what you do speaks volumes.

Because it is not enough to wish things were different. Good people do what they say they will do. Good people do not sit idly by in the face of injustice. 

So let us work to be good people to each other. 

Its difficult. We are seeing a much overdue influx of information that is hard to grasp. The effects of centuries of oppression, both blatant and systematic, are seeping through every institution in the United States. The Black Lives Matter movement is a heavy and complex thing to understand, especially as a nonblack person. I too have had trouble digesting the things I have seen online. If it is overwhelming for me than I can not imagine how it must be for my black brothers and sisters.

So I must do something. This is not a time for excuses. 

In this extremely uncomfortable time, do not get comfortable. Do not excuse yourself. Don’t just repost when you can donate. Don’t just talk when you can learn. Don’t just sit there when you can stand up. Do not leave the job unfinished. Because years from now, when our children learn about this from their history books, they won’t ask you what you “said…” they will ask you what you did. At the end of the day, when the smoke has evaporated and the glass has shattered, you want to be able to say “I tried to do my best” rather than “I  could have done more.” 

With that, I am not saying that you must put the entire weight of eradicating an unjust system on your shoulders. Of course not. This is a team effort.

NOBODY CAN DO EVERYTHING BUT EVERYBODY CAN DO SOMETHING. 

So I implore you to dig deep. Contribute what you know you can.

Do it for others but most of all, do it for you. Do it so that you can count on yourself to do the right thing even when it is hard. Do it so that when humanity is at stake, you can be confident you will do what you need to do. To not say it, but to really do it. 

Start little by little. Slowly start building to the big things. But do it now.

Take it from a personal flake. If you don’t take a stand now, you never will.