It is hard to sum up the words sufficient enough to describe all that I went through the last four months. Studying abroad in Europe was both everything and nothing like what I expected it to be. To be honest, summarizing the experience is virtually impossible therefore I am not even going to try. Beside’s everybody’s story is different. So for now, here is a small snippet of mine. 

Back in middle school I learned that trees need weather to become more resistant. The more they are pushed by the elements, the stronger their trunks develop. Therefore, trees that have not been pressured produce feeble trucks. These are much more likely to snap in a storm. 

Long ago I came to the realization that my limbs were frail. While I am no stranger to hardships I knew that I had not been pushed the way other people had. That unlike someone who has faced real adversity, my trunk—though protected for years from harmful circumstances—could not resist a thunderstorm. I lived in a bubble that was predictable, pretty, and safe. But guess what?? THAT BUBBLE ISN’T WATERPROOF! I do no wish to be a feeble tree; I wish to be a massive oak, indestructible amongst the elements. Monsoon resistant. 

Ultimately my goal for studying abroad was to grow as a person. Beyond traveling and exploring different cultures, I wanted to be pushed. To strengthen my trunk with experiences. I wanted to learn how to feel capable in the face of hard things. And so, I bit the bullet and got on a plane.

While in Verona, I could take a train and be in Milan in an hour. I had access to the most authentic and fresh food. I met intelligent people from all of over the world. But when I look back on my experience, those aren’t the things that immediately come to mind. Looking back, I think about how much I missed my mother. How lost I felt at times in an unknown city. How I struggled to connect with people (something I had never had an issue with before). And yes, how I—at one point—wanted to come home.

I guess my point is, it was not all smooth sailing. And the thing is, I would feel bad about feeling bad! haha. We think study abroad is going to a different country and throwing all your cares away. Or at least putting them on pause. And I felt bad that I still had worries and doubts. But I realized…life follows you everywhere, even Europe lol. I was definitely pushed. At times it felt like too much. But just like a tree, we can not grow stronger to face difficult situations without being pushed. Cannot expect to become resilient without facing adversity. So while I struggled some days, I can now see the value of it all.

Coming back to the states, I feel more capable than I ever have before. After things felt so hard all the time—taking public transportation, trying to communicate in another language, making time—things feel easier now. And they are easier because I now realize that I am more than what I once was. I come back from study abroad feeling refreshed, motivated, and confident. But most of all, feeling a lot less fearful. I’ll admit I am not fear “less.” However I believe it has less of a hold on me than before. Or at the very least, it pushes me to get things done. 

Don’t get me wrong; study abroad was amazing! I got to witness art and history in some of the most infamous museums in the world. Got to experience culture in Amsterdam and croissants in Paris. It is a dream I can not believe was real. My experience was not perfect, but it was mine. And it is the story that I will remember and the one I want to tell. Not the one that is the same as everyone else’s but the one that is honest. I encourage anybody who ventures out of their own bubble to embrace their journey as it is, rather than compare it to the pretty picture everyone makes it out to be. 

Storms come and go. And at the time, it sucks to feel stranded and alone in the rain. However, it is always afterwards that the leaves look greener and the sun feels brighter. And like a tree, you will find your branches are better suited to reach higher skies.

So cheesy lol but it’s my story and I like it.