Studying abroad always seemed so glamorous. When I was young, I heard testimonies of students spending months in dreamy places like London, Paris, Barcelona, etc. Their lives being completely transformed by culture and experiences. So it was no brainer that I would want to do the same. Study abroad was a dream of mine from the beginning, and I worked hard to get it. Weekends working, saving money, countless paperwork… Nothing was an accident. Make no mistake—I am studying in Verona because I sacrificed to be here. 

What I never expected was the fear that comes with all of it. Mainly because no one talks about it. Days before my departure, I thought I would be trembling with anticipation (just like you do before a field trip in elementary school). Forget anticipation, I felt full on anxiety as the day to leave came closer. I thought I would feel relief… leaving felt tangible and finally all my hard work would be paying off… but dread coursed through my veins as I packed my bags and I thought “Do I really have to go?” I was fully aware of the trials, hardships, and tribulations it would take to assimilate to a different country. And instead of feeling confident, I was terrified. I would look around my home, at my mom cooking or the feeling of my bed, and desperately try to engrave it in my memory for those moments when homesickness would creep in and comfort would be needed. 

I could lie and say I was calm and collected but the truth is I was scared. I felt like a child needing their parents after a nightmare. The extent of my fear made it very apparent just how small my world is. Every day, I live in a comfortable bubble, where things are predictable and safe. I never need to try too hard…. Funny how comfort zones work. As soon as its time to get out of it, you accept any excuse to stay in it. Idk about you, but my first reaction to any problem is panic. Fight or flight? I choose flight every time. I mean, I wanted to break down and cry as soon as I got on the plane. Glamorous? I don’t think so. I felt completely out of my league, absolutely overwhelmed, and so incapable. That doesn’t sound very cool, but it is the truth. 

I came to study abroad to hopefully become more fearless; to confront things head on. That wasn’t going to happen in Phoenix, Az. After all, it is only with experience that one learns to overcome (seemingly) impossible things.

A week in and each day still feels like an effort. Luckily there is always a silver lining, because despite my crushing fear, the love I have received has been incredible. I am blessed with so much support and consideration from my friends and family. More than I could have every asked for. I may not completely believe in myself yet, but the encouragement of others makes it seem like I can. And for now, it is something I cling to everyday. At the very least, it is something worth fighting for…